truth for today. hope for tomorrow

yesterday the counsellor. today the pastor. tomorrow where it will be

nya: sik ko bingong hal kija ya gik. Nya dah nunjuk jalan ntuk ko na...
aku: ko tauk kan,... sblom tok betapa bingongnya aku nak melepaskan kija ya and at the same time sengaut nak ngabiskan study. instead, now Nya berik duak-duak sekali

to everyone i forgot

from uplands to jln hj taha to pasir pandak to petrajaya and back

3 and all in 1

Forward email

terbetik hati mok check emel dari x-classmate yang bersubject Fwd: karangan...
sik bermaksud mok "mempersendakan" tok... tapi demi nyawa aku nak pisan leput.. tetak, baca tok



(sorry juta-juta kali). *i die laughing*

Movie(s)

following from unsentimental entry... bought myself a pirate HISTERIA (about last 3 weeks). was actually looking for Ice Age 3 everywhere, but i think i'm gonna having the hard times to understand the spanish version. thought about Histeria, and maybe i should give it a try. (in fact, i'm not fond of watching horror movies).


started watching it yesterday. was home alone,... after half an hour i guess i running out of oxygen. -_-" continue it this afternoon, while amsi is here... jejjejejjejjeeje...

- minimize the screen
- slow the volume
- stand by the pillow or blanket nearby (to covered your face when unwanted scene is played)

now, done with the terrific horror scene. *well, sik la seram ney pun...molah ku asa sesak nyawa jak ehs.

Soundtrack(s)

downloaded Ice Age 3 for free and watched it over and over again. (somehow i can't get rid of myself from the ridiculous addiction )



two songs caught me in blue...,


You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine by Lou Rawls



Alone Again (Naturally) by Chad Fischer



# the lyric in edited version:

I shouldnt be hangin round,
But my worlds turned upside down,
You abandoned me,
I fell off the tree
To the hard and lonely ground.

You found somebody new
And cracked my shell in two.
How could I foresee
You turned out to be
Such a bucktooth Casanova

Now theres only strife
And my life has lost all meaning.
How I miss
Your furry lips,
Your shallow rapid breathing.

I wish you only knew
That Im only nuts for you.
Alone again, naturally


Ice Age 3 Soundtrack Features Seven Fun-Loving Songs
~signing off now. hunting for durians~

sometimes people read junk stuff too ;)

bullshit-ing myself ... google-ing and reading those stuff. link

*prequel
he texted me this morning, informing he had bought the movie tickets for both of us. so, i was like... *sigh*.."i've told him, i can't go. i got something important coming up". didn't he received my messages earlier? or he read it and pretend he don't? some people are really good with that kind of tricks. i don't like this. it's feel not alright. i feel i'm hurting my "other invisible feeling". i feel i'm cheats on "someone". though he hurt me a lots, it's just not my way to seek for his attention by dated someone else.

i called him right away, sorry i really can't go. i just got too excited to say "yes" at the first place, then "no"... but then he bought the tickets, there should be no reason for me to say "another no". it's rarely i stand for "my NO", .... few minutes after the called, he texted, "sorry for disturbing your study hours"...

*ala... padah jak ko mok kuar ngan aku.* at the meant time, aku doa² nya ada hal, so sik jadi pegi movie ya.

nya: nya blanja?
aku: aok
nya: laki?
aku: aok
nya: mesti ada sebab kenak ko sik mok pegi?
aku: i don't know how to having fun... while my exam just around the corner
nya: mun aku.. pegi jak lah. orang dah beli tiket. kelak apa pikirnya. rasa kita dik mpun
aku: well...


glad, my "NO" came true. it was prequel and how i was surrounding by 3 cancerians. definitely "don't judge book by it's cover" sign.

the sea remains inside me

how easy it is to remember the things that you'd like to forget?


now i've traveled across the ocean with the same shoes just longer hair
i still carry that picture, from the photo-we-treasured-the-moments - it's always there
is there will be the right place? or the right time?
now i've landed in the mid-utopian
where i used to saw you tears your soul
remember i was always freezing?
now i'm covered up in sand...

every little while,

... we're not around
it seems one thing has been true all along
we don't really know what we got 'til it's gone
i guess i've had it with you

when you come back i won't be here
and here is always be your world

almost sometimes

wake up at 3am.

and i wished upon the moon
i wish u were here
i wish i knew
i wish i knew how everything came true
i wish to let u know
i wish u could see it my way
i wish u knew the way i feel
i wish, i wish, i wish

i wish i meant something to u

happy belated birthday

gua, sabtu, dewa dan satu ...

alhamdulillah,... settle a bit of kija keduniaan gua,... nyiap blog pakei az active kan bisness online nya yang ber-hq di matang jaya. submit form pegi cimb. wedding card santa lom siap, klip bidio lom siap, assignment wan aku lom polah apa-apa gik. the zahir aku lom abis baca gik,... aku rasa kedak lamak gik perjalanan aku mok dapat d-tujuh-ploh ya. malam tadik, mimpi ya gik. malar jak kenak hunting the same dream,... d70 dreams and chronicles ....

oh. satu. tetiba jak rasa mok meng-indo dewa-kan diri,... dari malam tadik beryoutube-ing kan bidio ya dan bergugel impitri satu. dengan tanganmu aku menyentuh dengan kakimu aku berjalan dengan matamu aku memandang dengan telingamu aku mendengar dengan lidahmu aku bicara dengan hatimu aku merasa ...



certain songs bring back the memories and the feeling that we used to felt,...
bla-bla-bla-h. nak mandik, nak majoh, nak kija gik.... i'm badly need my d70

jumaat-ing

terwake ap dis murning,.. without subuh. hmsk. record-record yang menyayat jiwa. *enuf monologue*. malam tadik mimpi hold d70 on my tangan,.... mimpi-mimpi result sem released,... bla-bla-bla-h

so gua currently listening to boo hoo clapping song '97. no mandi-pagi yet, gua offday after 14 days working, and today is in urusan baginda, appointment at 9am. lom mandi, baju sloar bau masin,...

heading to upacara sploh ribu.
i love friday. i love the smell. i love all about it.

colleague-ship

maybe i'm involved myself too much in "working life" and the "colleague-ship" thingy things. "kerja" is the way i always enjoy myself - meet new fellas, upgrading my dictionary, mastering my "trust", discovering life, found myself a random thoughts, seeing times run the day-till-nite, and lots of etc.

"colleague-ship" - bila aku click five ngan kawu, aku kebiasaannya pure BORDERLESS, GAPLESS and what-ever-good-bad-LESS that you almost can feel. until you BORDER's the first line in between, then i'm sorry, it's turn me to be a HEARTLESS person for you (and not to who's not). i know and understand how "the reversed psychology" works, so apply it wisely ;)
i'm not your "beloved-colleague", i'm not "your kakak", i'm not "your adik", i'm not "your sayang", now we're "you" and we're "i" based on the BORDER LINE was made. I CAN ACCEPT TO BE NOT ACCEPTED, then you got nothing to loose. stay detached. keep the world in peace. kawu mpun tiga pages message malam tadik... i took it as "we're nobody to each other". i'm a free wonder soul with my trust is my pride. so, lets you be you and i be i.

thank you :)

life. love. soul

those "captured of feelings" which inspired me so deep...

La Trip De Sematan: I

zZzZzz...

*bday yoo*

stumbling around,...

and i found him.

sometimes,.. blood ain't thicker than water...

i used to remember mak talked a lots about them during my child hood. he's a good-tough-strong man just like his late father. and nurhanina was the given name by his father. i don't even had any memories with anyone of them in the family, though they may had me a little in theirs. i wrote letters to two of other brothers when i was in primary school. we kept in touch for several years through the snail-post and it's actually encouraged to the hobby of collecting stamps in my child hood. both whom i realize still keep their feet on the ground. the aunt's who used to be my babysitter back then, was cried on 2003, the first time she meet me after "we" left on 1984. she and them haven't yet meet abah and mak since then. and the only memories i had with late grandma was in photographed...

thinking back...

grew up among the cuzzies,... i really want to be part of them... once. i want to be a real "iban" just like them, to speak like them, to eat what ever they eat, to be loved like them, coz every family members loved them and i don't want to feel left out, to go to church every sunday and singing with them, to had a fun like them.... once and was.
they seems enjoy the life that i wish i can be with them. but there was empty soul in joy,...

glad. i'm neither of them.

# "things" do change the person,, heart and soul.
(when the money and power play it roles)

# some people are really good in marketing their "trust" too.

kija

direct obertaim lima hari, walopun status aku cuma sekadar "part timer", tapi seminggu tok gua full time tahap "permanent". boss aku gi kl. joli. so, boss joli di kl, aku joli di tempat kija. orait apa..., kadang-kadang pratikkan idea israel. yang sik israel nya,... lelah. kija tujuh jam tok pun dah rasa nak terbabak isi-isi kulit. ngantok iboh cerita laa... masa bejalan pun leh otometik tertido. lom gik kira part baju sloar yang gik dalam baldi.

... bla-bla-bla-h

for all the life we've had,,,

remember when i was young and so were you and time stood still and love was all we knew
remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk. gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
we lived and learned, life threw curves. there was joy, there was hurt
remember when old ones died and new were born and life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
we came together, fell apart and broke each other's hearts
remember when the sound of little feet was the music, we danced to week to week
brought back the love we found trust
vowed we'd never give it up

now looking back it's just a stepping stone to where we are,... where we've been...

impian seroja

pejam celik bejalan belari telungkup dah masuk bulan julai. masuk ari tok dah duak kali aku salah shift. siap dah mandik pepagi awal, complete uniform,... suddenly dan tetiba tejumpa kertas 4d rah kocek sloar. duhal aku afternoon shift. jerangkong nar. rasa nyesal sik direct jak sambung tido. so, bagi memenuhi masa lapang, aku donlod haram ice age 3. mula-mula first pertama aku ngan Is janji diana mok nangga sama. siap aku tukar off day. tapi check² showtime kul 10mlm,... nak kuar ngan Is sotong kenjar,...sik pasal-pasal aku jadik sotong kedaknya lak. bagus juak nya sikda kontek aku sehari-hari marek. so, ada masa pakei polah kad kawen shimot. tok second time aku polah. tadik santa pun request kad kawen juak. nak molah barang cam ya, mok ada feel bok puas ati. sbnanya ekotkan ati, aku mok ngedit video di sematan riya. dengan kata makna lain, aku sikda feel nak molah kad kawen. maybe sebab, malar jak kenak tagih... "dah siap kad tek, na?"
*sigh

another jerangkong thing. dah complete suma ceta ice age 3 aku donlod... bila extarct sigek²,.. broken files. durjana sungguh. so, tok second round aku donlod gik, ya pun bok 35%...
kad kawen pun dah siap pagi tadik. tapi ada part yang mok di edit gik... leceh la juak. tapi besh la juak. bukan salu dapat peluang cam tok. kedong orang dah cayak dan dapat accept ketidakseberapaan serta kekurangan kreativiti gua. ecececcece...
aku nak edit video di sematan ya...
arap² complete la ice age 3 malam tok.. aku mok nangga isok malam.
molah mini cineplex dik mpun, bekal kentang goreng setengah kilo, yogurt semangkuk, coleslaw buah.... pa gik ownh...
it's time to reward and celebrate myself a good time alone

*wishing and hoping*